This is un-fucking-believable.
I am so livid at the world, and I have no explanation as to why. It's that hole in my gut again, and I hate it!
My parents and younger sister are down, and at first it was okay, but then the grandmother started being all...grandmothery, you know, being a pain in the ass. So it went downhill from there.
I was fine when my sister and I went to the mall (by ourselves) and then to Chapters (by ourselves), but as soon as I got here, after I proclaimed to my father how fucking crazy I'm going and how I fucking hate my step-uncle (which was brought up when he said he had to stop and pick up some beer because the ass was coming over for dinner tomorrow). My dad semi-yelled at me, telling me that said step-uncle has his problems, but they're not my problems.
Well, they are when he ladles them on top of everyone.
So I got bitchy.
And then my room here is being torn asunder by my neurotically-neat-freak for a mother because my ex-step-aunt has decided that she's going to fly in to London from BC and spend a week sleeping in the other room. This week? I have 3 exams in 4 days and I'm panicking!
The first one on Monday is in the class I got 37% on the midterm. And it's German history. Fucking god damn germans! I'm sick of it! Just fucking sick of it!
And then, since my last exam isn't until the 25th, a full 9 days after my 3rd exam, I was planning on going home. Except, apparently, I'd have to take the bus and I really don't want to have to fucking do that shit right now.
So I told my mother I'm staying here.
She's all bitchy now, but I don't care anymore.
I just want to be left alone! God damnit! Just leave me alone!!

And now a classmate wants me to type out two, 8-page notes for her, and my mother's nagging me ("We came here to see you, and you're just sitting at your computer!" Well, I HAVE TO.) She said "Well then, we might as well leave." Fine, go. "So, are you not coming out for supper with us then?" And I told her that I don't eat supper, so tough shit. She said "Fine!" and left in a huff.
It's true, though. I don't eat supper.
I don't eat.
And I'm still fat and miserable, and I hate every aspect of my life right now, and I'm sorry I'm being emo, but tough shit, it's what I am.
And my younger sister gave me a mini-lecture as to diet and exercise and basically told me that if I'm unhappy about how I look, then to loose some weight because, sweetheart, you're not gonna be any happy fat. Thanks loads, sis.
Fucking unbelievable.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.
I'm just so confused and fed up and I'm starting to think that the best solution is the final one: run away and jump off a bridge.
I just...I need to be alone.
Stop shooting at my feet and making me dance for you.

I need to stop watching BBC romantic mini-series'

I'm going to die alone, aren't I?