4PP

I'm drowning myself in a group of young men who play video games, and who are fucking awesome.
It's how I'm fixing things, obviously. :/

This is why I love them:

My marks aren't good enough.
Marks weren't supposed to be out until the 22nd, and then the date was changed to the 24th of June, but I just checked the page and my low to mid 60s and one 54 are glaring at me, laughing at me. Making me want to throw up.
My marks aren't good enough.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
I'm filling out the application anyway, who knows, maybe they'll take pity on me.
Fuck!
What do I do?!
What happens if they say no?! What do I do?!

I hate having to hear of dreary, undesirable, desolate situations, I really do. But when I do, they don't seem to affect me emotionally all that much. The situation, though, regarding a little girl from the Woodstock area of Ontario, though...it just seems like too much.
Many of the girls I went to uni with either knew the family involved, or were friends of friends, and since most of them are from London and the surrounding areas, they would have seen the posters. Hell, even here, back at home, I saw a few posters.
I won't type names, since there's the whole "google" thing that I try to avoid, but I will post a link to an article:
Here and here.


They knew her and her family. They fucking knew her!
My mom says that authorities suspect there may have been sexual assault involved. Sickening! Horrifying! Those god-damned wretched individuals!!

"There's now no hope that the eight year old will be found alive."

Precious

This looks... exceptional.

This is un-fucking-believable.
I am so livid at the world, and I have no explanation as to why. It's that hole in my gut again, and I hate it!
My parents and younger sister are down, and at first it was okay, but then the grandmother started being all...grandmothery, you know, being a pain in the ass. So it went downhill from there.
I was fine when my sister and I went to the mall (by ourselves) and then to Chapters (by ourselves), but as soon as I got here, after I proclaimed to my father how fucking crazy I'm going and how I fucking hate my step-uncle (which was brought up when he said he had to stop and pick up some beer because the ass was coming over for dinner tomorrow). My dad semi-yelled at me, telling me that said step-uncle has his problems, but they're not my problems.
Well, they are when he ladles them on top of everyone.
So I got bitchy.
And then my room here is being torn asunder by my neurotically-neat-freak for a mother because my ex-step-aunt has decided that she's going to fly in to London from BC and spend a week sleeping in the other room. This week? I have 3 exams in 4 days and I'm panicking!
The first one on Monday is in the class I got 37% on the midterm. And it's German history. Fucking god damn germans! I'm sick of it! Just fucking sick of it!
And then, since my last exam isn't until the 25th, a full 9 days after my 3rd exam, I was planning on going home. Except, apparently, I'd have to take the bus and I really don't want to have to fucking do that shit right now.
So I told my mother I'm staying here.
She's all bitchy now, but I don't care anymore.
I just want to be left alone! God damnit! Just leave me alone!!

And now a classmate wants me to type out two, 8-page notes for her, and my mother's nagging me ("We came here to see you, and you're just sitting at your computer!" Well, I HAVE TO.) She said "Well then, we might as well leave." Fine, go. "So, are you not coming out for supper with us then?" And I told her that I don't eat supper, so tough shit. She said "Fine!" and left in a huff.
It's true, though. I don't eat supper.
I don't eat.
And I'm still fat and miserable, and I hate every aspect of my life right now, and I'm sorry I'm being emo, but tough shit, it's what I am.
And my younger sister gave me a mini-lecture as to diet and exercise and basically told me that if I'm unhappy about how I look, then to loose some weight because, sweetheart, you're not gonna be any happy fat. Thanks loads, sis.
Fucking unbelievable.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.
I'm just so confused and fed up and I'm starting to think that the best solution is the final one: run away and jump off a bridge.
I just...I need to be alone.
Stop shooting at my feet and making me dance for you.

I need to stop watching BBC romantic mini-series'

I'm going to die alone, aren't I?