School starts again tomorrow.
I have "England and European History from the 16th to the 17th century", right off the bat.
I'm pretty nervous, since I technically go to one of the much smaller University-Colleges (an affiliate) and the largest class number I've encountered is 63 (Sociology of Deviance, last year).
This class tomorrow, well, a friend of mine took it last year and her class had 350+ students in it. I'm not sure how I feel about huge classes (since I've never encountered one). I don't know if I'll die of social anxiety (which is likely in my case), or revel in the feeling of being just a number.
We'll see.
Oh, I got back together with my friend. We're not only on speaking terms again, we're on "Let's find each other's classrooms and then let's go to the mall!" terms! It's great! Buuut I have a sinking feeling that her dad hates me now.
In other, more serious news, about two nights ago I was...I think...just scratching my armpit (like the lovely lady I am) and felt something...hard.
I think I've started to panic slightly.
I've been to every and all "self breast examination" websites I can find.
I really am becoming more and more scared as the days go on.
Typical of me, I've decided not to tell my mom until she comes to visit this Saturday, and then, "only if it's still there."
I've come to the self-assessed conclusion that it's either a "fibroadenoma, which is a non-cancerous overgrowth of the breast tissue (like a mole on the skin)," or a "pseudolump" which "are benign, and may be scar tissue, hardened silicone, necrotic (dead) fat, or a rib bone pressing into breast tissue and compressing it."
The websites I'm using for reference describe how the different...erm, "lumps" (just typing it is scary) feel to a person doing a self-exam. Both websites claim that cancerous lumps are "irregular shape (not round) with a pebbly surface," which is why I think I'm clear in that respect. And it's tiny. So I'm hoping it's nothing. It's just...our first family cat died of a hernia that was the size of a golf ball and the vet said he could have fixed it if it were the size of a pea, so I worry. Also, like you care or want to know, I've had two hernia operations myself, and in grade two it was a scary thought, being operated on for something my cat died of.
For the other two mentioned, though, websites still advise a doctors visit.
I just...
I'm really scared.
I have huge boobs, man, and I'm proud of them. I've grown to accept them, and (this is gonna sound really stupid) it sort of feel like, if it is something bad, they've betrayed me.
42, G's and they hate me. And I just got new bras, too!
I don't know how I'm feeling about it now.
I know I should go get it checked, but my doctor is back home (2 1/2 hours away) and I'm not going home until Christmas and whenever I do go to see her, I always feel rushed, like I'm inconveniencing her, and I don't want to inconvenience her with my breasts. It's silly, I know, but that's just how I am.
I might, actually, see what the Student Health Center offers in terms of breast-care, but it's closed until the 24th for re-vamping (or something, I just got the email about it tonight).
Maybe there's pamphlets outside...or something.
I'm just...so stressed out already and classes haven't even started yet and now this?!
God damn it! Thanks a lot, whoever's looking down at me from up there. And on "The Week to End Breast Cancer" week? Having a right giggle? Good for you, fuckers.
This minuscule lump had better be my imagination, or I'm turning really emo again! D:
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