Fuck, REALLY?

She’s already disappointed in me.
I made the mistake about 15 minutes ago of going downstairs to watch tv. I went to the front room, because she was in the back (on the phone). I’m there for about 3 minutes and she’s creeping her way over, standing in the doorway, asking me “What? Do you want to go back there?” I say no, I’m fine where I am. “Are you suuure?” Yes, I assure her, a tv’s a tv, I don’t really care where I am. I’ve been flipping channels this entire time, I had been watching some cartoon on YTV, but I’ve learned to change the channel when she comes in, or else I get a round of tsk’ing. So I’m flipping. And she beings her form of “German Flipping Out,” eg. Questioning me about why I’m not eating. It’s 7:46pm, and as noted before at some point in my rambling on this blog, she eats specifically and precisely at 5:30pm, whether she’s hungry or not. She had hollered up the stairs at 5:30, asking what I wanted for supper. I had told her I wasn’t hungry and in the end I can make my own dinner. She did her whole “Come oooooon” in frustration thing as usual, and I just repeated my stand.

So I was flipping channels, and she was food-flipping-out. I told her that I can make my own food, that, reminder, I had been doing so these past two weeks. I told her that I’m not hungry (I ate breakfast/lunch at 3:30, really) and that when I am, I’ll make something. I then told her, again, that if I’m not hungry, I don’t eat. That while she was away, some nights I didn’t eat until well after 8, 8:30 – mostly because I just forgot about the whole “supper” thing.
She then pulls out her most irritating of cards: She tells me that that is why I get headaches. With her, it always comes back to my eating. My headaches, in her muddled mess of a head, are obviously the result of my eating. She did the same last night, when she came home. She saw a banana on the counter, did the “And you didn’t eat the banana?!?! What did you eat? Junk?!” To which I responded that since I’m clearly alive and scurvy-free, I had obviously been eating fruits and veg, which I had been by the way. And, again, last night, she told me that my not eating her food at her scheduled time was obviously the cause of my migraines. I spazzed last night.

So just now, as she started on her “that’s why you have headaches!” tirade, now coupled with her new “well that’s not nice. I have to eat alone now” guilt trip, I turned off the tv, told her “FINE. I’ll eat WHATEVER you make WHENEVER you want. FINE!” to which she said “Well, I already ate, so it’s too late...” to which I turned off the light, said forcefully “I KNOW” and stomped in to the bathroom to wash my hair.

Like, seriously? Again? Still? Again and still?!
“I have to eat alone now”?!?!?! What?! What, was she holding banquets with all the fucking idiotic buffoons from this side of the family when I was gone during Christmas? What about when I’m gone during the summer? And, really, fuck it! You ate alone YEARS before I came to live here, and next year, SUR-FUCKING-PRISE, I’m not setting one foot back into this onion and cabbage reeking hellhole so, SORRY GERMAN NAZI, you’ll be eating ALONE!

Truth is, now I am getting hungry, but I’m just going to ignore it.
I may be trying to conquer my body weight issues, I may be trying and TRYING to come to terms with my “flabulous” flab in the face of this horribly unjust and cruel world, but tonight? Tonight I’m fat. “Fat” as in lardy, huge, monstrous, grotesque, gross, ugly, obese, chunky and all the other euphemisms. Tonight, I’m not eating.

Oh, and for the record, if I hear one more tale of the eggs, omelettes, coffee and how all the good people are German, and how her pilot was German, and how the pilot that safely landed the plane in the river had German blood in him, I am going to freak!