Poem, Day 5

I know.
I try to ignore it
too.

pushing pounds
up stairwells,
ankles hurting,
feet hurting,
ego hurting,
head hurting.
I sort of think
you’re watching me
as I attempt the
impossible:
climbing 3 flights of stairs
non-stop,
without the huffing,
the puffing.
I sort of know
you’re disgusted by me.
please, then,
forgive the way
my stomach quivers as I laugh,
my breath comes in short huffs
after I walk up the hill,
my eyes glow in the presence of friends and,
sometimes,
food.
the way my chin(s) jiggle as I speak,
the way my breasts
(42 Gs)
bounce as I strut.
forgive my grotesqueness.
I truly don’t mean to offend.

do you really think I like being this way?
that I’m fat for the soul purpose
of garnering stares, pity, disgust, hate from others?

don’t you think I know it’s my own fault?

you don’t hear me apologizing,
in my head,
daily,
for my weight.

you don’t hear me cry about it all
when I’m home alone.